I picked a fine time to leave him loose wheel….


So today is the day. I am officially on leave as of 5pm today for seven weeks. I have been counting down to this day since work commenced again this year back on 8 January.

Yet I am not excited. Oh how I had imagined this day, where I would/could potentially give work the flick and tell them that I’m a-gonner. So long, fair well. But alas. I am anything but excited.

I am melancholy and sad, lacklustre. I feel slightly nauseous and empty of energy. The reason behind this melancholic mood is the hubster. It pains me to think that I will be leaving my one, my love, my precious (stated in a Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings kinda-way).

*Side-note My husband loves Lord of the Rings*

But back to my melancholic mood (insert appropriate sad music here). While there is never a good time to leave a loved one for an extended amount of time, it appears to me that my timing is actually very bad. I perhaps didn’t think this through as much as I should have. For example, we will spend Easter and our anniversary apart. This will be for the very first time. Oh, alas! Be still my beating heart.

Worse, I wonder how he will be. All alone while I am surrounded by family. (Yes, this rhymes, but this is not Shakespeare or Sting).

What is light, if he/she be not seen? What is joy if he/she be not by? (Shakespeare)

While writing this down, I can not help but think of how far our relationship has come in the past year. Trust me, there would be no way I would be feeling these things a year ago. In fact, I would probably be wishing that the time away from the hubster would be longer. I have explained this in a previous post We’re getting remarried!! « jusmeh. My husband is my rock and my guiding light. I feel lost without him. He is my strength and the reason why my life has meaning. I am scared that I will fall into a heap without him there. Though I do know my mother would not allows this to happen.

While I know that my husband will always do what is right for us, I can not help but feel alone. I don’t want to undertake another round of IVF without him. I want him beside me. And yes, he will call, text, skype every day. It just is not the same.

This has been my decision and he has supported it 100% I am not regretting the fact that we undertake the IVF in Australia instead of Abu Dhabi. And I am very happy not to be working during this time. It’s just that I need him.

For I feel sick when I look not on you. (Shakespeare)

I have had some ideas over the past few days to ensure that the hubster doesn’t feel so alone and that he knows I love him. I can’t give too much away in case he reads this post. But I am hoping that these things will keep our love alive and the feelings of melancholy at bay.

Oh my man….

Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love (Shakespeare).

Take it away Kenny:

Lucille (Kenny Rogers)

 

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