The pregnant pause…


One of my close friends is pregnant. Six weeks and three days pregnant to be exact. From the moment she told me, I knew she was about to tell me a long and sad story. We had talked two days ago of the possibility of her being pregnant and she stated to me that she would be happy if this was the case. Today, something is different. She is not happy. She is tearful and confused. Her husband of three months does not want the baby. The couple have not yet lived together. Being of an Islamic background, it is considered haram to live together before marriage. The fact that my friend lives in Dubai and her husband in the UK has not helped in the living arrangements either.

I wanted to tell her what I really felt, but that would be pushing my views on her – ultimately the couple need to do what is best for them… Not what others think is best for them.

I could tell my friend wants to keep the baby, she is just scared. She just wants to hear her husband say that he wants to keep the baby and she would be happy to announce the pregnancy to friends and family.

What can I say other than be supportive and let her know I am there for her no matter what?

What did I really think??? I want her to keep the baby. The couple are married, have the means to support this baby and partook in unprotected sex knowing the risks associated with this.

Aborting a child is also considered ‘haram’ in the Islamic faith. No matter what others may say, there is always a bit of shame associated with having an abortion. I know. I know what it is like to be scared, about wondering what is the ‘best’ for the unborn baby and for me. I know what it is like to wonder what sex my baby would have been and what age it would be now.

I wonder how my friend would live with the guilt that she would have once aborting this baby. She has two close friends undergoing IVF who are desperate to have a child and here she is at 32 years of age, married, with financial means, thinking of having an abortion.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not one to judge. But having tired IVF now for many years, I would give anything to be able to announce to my husband that I was pregnant.

I can not help but think how this should be a happy time for a husband and wife. How very sad it is that these two people are not both filled with joy.

What else did I want to say? Give it to me. I will love and cherish this child for the rest of its life. I wanted to show her pictures I have seen of a fetus at six weeks. I wanted to hug her, scream at her, cry. I wanted to get down on me knees and again ask God why not me? Why, why, why?

God knows how hard it is for a woman wanting a child to hear over and again of the news of another friend’s pregnancy, let alone hear that one of them is thinking of terminating it!!

Sometimes I just do not understand…..

 

 

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