My step-daughter’s sad message


I have a 20-year old step-daughter, who, despite my many frustrations with her, I actually do love. Our relationship has been rocky, but we have shared some wonderful times together. She is a good person who loves to laugh, dance and sing. In many ways she is very much like me – except my parents never got divorced. I am not too sure how I would have taken the news that my father was leaving us for another woman. I am sure I would have hated that woman very much for taking my daddy away from us. So, I take my hat off to my step-daughter, that she did once give me a chance. And things were great for a while. Things were wonderfully magical actually. My step-daughter and I had established a fantastic relationship, until I decided that I needed a break from the hubster. I had gone through two unsuccessful IVF rounds, the hubster was travelling non-stop, I was not being medicated for my bipolar at this time and I was feeling very alone. I needed time out.

The hubster and my step-daughter took this news very badly. My stepdaughter in fact decided to write me off and her feelings of hate were fuelled by sad and angry conversations she would have with her father about the situation.

Eventually, the hubster and I decided to get back together, but the feelings of hatred towards me from my step-daughter only increased. Our only conversations were based on various ways to tell one another to “go away” in as many wonderfully colourful words as we could imagine. She didn’t want anything to do with me. I tired to mend the situation. I sent her flowers – she threw them in the bin. I text message her – she ignored them. I wrote her letters – she tossed them away. I sent emails – they were deleted. I was living in another state and there was little more I could do. Eventually, we caught up with one another and over coffee, I broke down and told her that I loved her and hoped we could at least work towards rebuilding what we once had. She shook her head, no. She told me I would only ever be her father’s wife and that is all to her. It broke my heart. I told her that I could no longer keep investing myself on a relationship that wasn’t going to go anywhere and from that day onwards – we had an understanding. She was my step-daughter and I was her step-mother and these were just titles for one another – nothing more.

Ever since then, I have been able to just move on with life. As I stated, I love her and whenever we are together, things are friendly and respectful – but that is it. However, she threw another classic our way today. After a few weeks of trying to contact his daughter, the hubster finally got a response:

I can not believe that you would come to Australia and not visit me. I am very disappointed.

I completely understand this disappointment. In her eyes, the hubster has chosen me and my family over her. She does not understand how much the hubster absolutely adores her. However, my man has done so much for his daughter – she is just not seeing it. Isn’t it funny what maturity can do. I can clearly see that my step-daughter is hurt – but that it is her own perspective on things that is making her unhappy. I wish I had this clarity of mind when I was 20 though! How does one make a 20-year old see things though older eyes?

My poor hubby. He is always getting caught up in these things and can never seem to do anything right. I wish I could make everyone happy….

Hopefully one day, she will be able to make herself happy.

 

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