Day31: 13dp3dt – I need a miracle

This morning I have cried a river. The HPT is not getting any stronger and results are only the faintest of faint lines. This seems to be an exact replica of my 2010 attempt. I have told the hubster and we both had a cry over Skype. I have also told my parents. This sucks. I want so badly to believe in miracles, I want to hold onto my hopes and dreams, but they have slowly evaporated as I start to look reality in the face. The odds are against me. They have always been against me.

I have cried out a lot of my hope and dreams. This hurts. I hand it all over to God. He is the only one that can bring a miracle. Funnily enough, the song Holding out for a hero by Bonnie Tyler is on my mind today.

Here is a poem I have written: 

There is a land of hopes and dreams

Where my children play

I can see them whenever I want

At anytime of the day

I just need to close my eyes

And I am transported there

Where Caiden and Layla laugh

Without a world of care

This land is such a happy place

With sunshine, smiles and joy

Where I can stroke the hair of my daughter

And see my gorgeous boy

The beauty of this imaginary world 

Takes my breath away

And Lord knows what I would give

To live in this dream every day.

But this was not meant to be

My reality

The Lord has greater plans for me

Or so it seems to be

For now I must be content

To just imagine my dream

And find a different path to joy

Whatever that may mean

So I’ll wave goodbye to my daughter and son

My little Peter Pans

Knowing I have just begun

To fulfil God’s plans

(C) Jusmeh

If I ever needed a miracle, that time is now. God give me strength.