Day 32: 14dp3dt – A reminder!
The pain of losing a dream can never be fully understood. Today, I let go. My dream of a child from my own flesh along with that of my husband will not be. It was not on the cards for us. Every couple facing fertility issues will go through the question when enough is enough. For the hubster and I – we have reached that point. This is a heart wrenching thing to do, but I was reminded today, that it is by no means the end of the world.
I cried so hard today. I have been angry, numb, disappointed, hurt, confused. I will never understand why a couple with a wonderful relationship who love one another deeply and have so much love for a child they have never met, can not have a child when others will raise children who they abuse. It just does not make sense to me.
But I realise children are often given over to a greater cause, such as for war or in the classic example of Jesus. So today, I made my peace with God and told Him I was handing over my dream of a child from my own flesh along with that of my husband’s for a greater cause. I don’t exactly know what this is – but it had better be awesome!! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
I was reminded also that I am blessed and that there are thousands of people who would still trade their place with me – despite this current situation. I have a wonderful husband. I have a fantastic family and I am surrounded by people who love and support me.
I am at peace with it all. Bring on whatever the next step is! I promise to give it 100% as I give everything. I am already starting to dream and hope 🙂