I need a “red phone”

On this day in 1963  the so-called “red telephone” was established between the Soviet Union and the United States following the Cuban Missile Crisis. The Moscow-Washington hotline is a system that allows direct communication between the leaders of the United States and Russia. It was originally designed by Harris Corporation. The hotline linked the White House via the National Military Command Center with the Kremlin during the Cold War.

This little red phone was the impetus for many appearances in popular culture and appeared in the 1966 Batman TV series, now known as the Bat phone. The Bat Phone allows fictional character Police Commissioner James Gordon to contact Batman for his help in solving various crimes, particularly those committed by super-villans! When it was first introduced, the Bat phone looked almost identical in appearance to the red telephone used between Moscow and Washington.

For the long list of other examples of where a “red phone” is used in film, TV and music, take a look at this Wikipedia link.

But getting back to why I would need a hotline. Well, you see, there has been some miscommunications between me and the Diet Gods who I wrote to yesterday. Here is a link to my letter. Obviously the intent of my letter was not made clear enough. When I stipulated that I would like to see some change on the scales, I meant a DECREASE! While I will admit, I was happy to see some change to the stupid number I have been seeing for the past week, (giving me some assurance that the scales are not broken), a 200 gram increase was not on the cards! I mean, that is a full tub of peanut butter!

I had to push myself – I mean really motivate myself not to give up my new fitness regime last night. It wasn’t until I heard Kelly Clarkson’ song What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger that I eventually convinced my ass to get off the couch! And what do I get for all my hard work – a freaking INCREASE!!! I am not happy. I need a red phone – a hotline to the Diet Gods – whereby I can scream, complain and whinge – where I can let it all out, instead of keeping all this disappointment inside.

What type of game are you playing here? It took me all the courage I could muster to finally write down my insecurities of not losing anything more than 500 grams in Week 1 of my new fitness regime, and now you add 200 grams? That means in just about two weeks of dieting and exercise, all I have to show for it is a loss of 300 meagre grams!!!

Now if I had a red phone I am sure we could negotiate some sort of deal here. I am sure my persuasive nature would result in a more favourable outcome. And if not, at least then I would get some satisfaction from slamming the phone receiver down, leaving the Diet Gods with nothing but a dead line!


P.S The scales didn’t go flying, though I am inclined to put them away.