Having a bad bipolar day…
It’s a bad day! Not that anything bad has happened, just that I am having a bad bipolar day. It is my own fault, I didn’t take my medication for the past few days. Again, there is no reason why, I just forgot. I got out of my routine after going to Amsterdam and as a result haven’t taken the meds for two or three (maybe more?) days. I have forgotten how bad these days are. I feel like I haven’t slept for a week, my mind will not focus on any one thing, I feel like crying, sleeping or wasting this day away. Don’t ask me to do anything today, as I just have nothing to give. Nothing! Oh, and I hate myself, everyone – the world! Today, like every other bad bipolar day, is when I am at my worst. I drive like a maniac. I have no care for my work, my life or unfortunately any one else.
Today, everyone and life itself can get lost! But that is just today…. tomorrow will be better, even if my step-daughter is coming over. It has to be. I had better take my meds tonight in order to be my best smiley, patient self! Step-daughter and bipolar me do not mix.
I remember well this feeling, the desire to cut and slice, the numbness, craving energy …. but fear not, I just need to take my meds. I can still appreciate the beauty of life, even if it is just a slither today.